so I'm having a baby ...

The past six weeks have been absolutely crazy.

We found out for sure on November 2nd that we are expecting our first baby in July. Trying to wrap our minds around this has been nothing short of an emotional thrill ride. Since discontinuing the education program in early October, my mind had already been on overdrive. I’ve always struggled with feelings of inadequacy, and not having a clear plan for the next few years has been kind of rough to think about and deal with. I know, however, that I made the right decision, especially considering what I now know was coming up for our little family!

I’ve been thinking that a lot of people are likely guessing that I either quit school because I was pregnant, or because I wanted to get pregnant. Neither of these is even remotely close to the truth. I don’t want to be a teacher, and I think my attitude towards it would negatively affect those I would have taught, and that is the reason I quit school. It was for myself. It was so I would no longer have to lie to myself. I was exhausted because of my lack of passion for the career, and I wasn’t being true to myself.

This baby came along at just about the same time that I officially withdrew from the program, ironically enough. I’m telling myself it was God’s way of telling me that my plans for myself are as fleeting as the wind, but He knows who I am. He knows who I’m meant to be. And that someone is a mother.