unquenchable fire

I have a confession to make.

I've been riding on the passion of those around me, allowing the mob mentality to carry me through. it's not that I don't have passion, but that I don't have enough. I have barely enough passion of my own to get by on my own.
I want more -- I need more of Him in my life.

in fewer than two months, I'll be gone. moving back to my hometown for the summer will certainly hold many struggles {interspersed, of course, with much goodness}. the most difficult to surpass will no doubt be forging our own community. for so long I've been a part of a group of believers who, while certainly not perfect, have their eyes set on Perfection + actively seek after Him with their lives. for this group of young people {many of whom live together in what has been a fairly good example of community + real church}, seeking God's heart means running fervently + passionately after it. 

our church back home is a wonderful body. it has been through extremely difficult moments over the past eight years, but it has growth through + in spite of them + is thriving with new pastors + new movements + new excitement. I can't wait to get back to serve in the place where I truly feel at home, the church in which I first fell in love with Jesus. I often, however, while visiting on a Sunday morning, notice a lack of the outward passion + urgency for Jesus I've grown so accustomed to swimming in within my current community. I rarely hear Jesus' name outside a church service, unless my husband or I bring up the topic. I miss the desperate prayer, the hours-long conversations about where we see the Spirit guiding + leading us.

I know what needs to happen. 

I know that if I want to see passion, I need to step out, get radical, and bring passion.

I can't ride on someone else's fire any longer. 

I don't want to.