A NEED TO RENEW

the days have gotten away from me.
I feel like I'm still trying to catch up on May, and here we've passed the middle of June.

it's been two months since we moved, and I feel like we're only just getting settled. our eating habits are out of control -- we seem to be stuck in the frozen-pizza-because-we're-moving-and-I-don't-want-to-cook stage -- we'll have a few days, a week of good home-cooked meals, and then McDonalds happens.  many days still look like a mess, waking whenever Rowan is ready to start her day and living in a fog until noon.

I haven't been taking care of myself, my family is neglected, I put off writing because I didn't want to have this very discussion with myself. this yoga pants, night owl, french fries hole is easy to fall into and tough to escape. and because I've been going into the act of changing, of pulling up my real pants + telling myself that enough is enough, with myself as motivation, telling myself that I need to improve my health, improve my parenting, improve my quiet time -- it hasn't worked.

in a flurry of iPad bible pages being flipped and paying zero attention to the conversation around me last night, it became clear that I had to step back from myself for a moment. it isn't bad or selfish to be healthy, to be a good parent, to have a great prayer life. but they can be done selfishly. these things can easily become idols as we live out our days, sometimes grasping at moments to get through.

instead, I'm resting in knowing that I am renewed in knowledge in the image of my creator.  I am defined by Christ, included in Christ.

today, instead of promising myself all over again to eat better, exercise, drink lots of water, to schedule each minute of my day, to spend time with God and with Rowan instead of hiding behind a screen, I'm stepping back. these changes are all good, and I believe He wants to see me thrive in each area of my life. but trying to do all the things in my own strength will leave me burnt out and bitter.

so I'm taking twenty-one days to fast, pray, and discern what it is God would like me to work on first.

won't you join me?