COME ON OVER

It's happened! I've moved over to my fresh new space!

If you'd like to follow along, make sure to change my links in your favourite blog reading tool, follow me on twitter and instagram!

LOVE JESUS. LOVE OTHERS. LOVE WELL.

things have been quiet on the front of my blog for the past month, while I've been working behind the scenes.

almost one year ago, I decided to change things up on the old blog. I rebranded and bought a shiny new domain. a month or two later, I decided to switch from the free version of wordpress to blogger, mainly because I could have more control, design-wise.

when I tried to point that still-shiny domain over to blogger, the response I got from my provider was especially disappointing: for whatever reason, I wasn't allowed in to transfer the domain to my new website. I brushed it off, hoping I would be able to figure it out before it would expire anyway, and having a .blogspot in my URL wasn't so bad, even though I had paid for my own domain.

and now here we are, expiration time fast approaching, and the provider still will not let me in to transfer [or renew!] my domain.

instead of being negative, getting up in arms and bad-mouthing anyone, I'm taking the opportunity to step up, to get a bit more serious and sophisticated.

so keep watch over the next week as I roll out a whole new website and some more big news that I can't wait to share!

DISCERN

Discerning God's will is tough, you guys.

As I seek renewal in my heart + life, I'm consistently being humbled by His grace and glory. My sweet friend Nadine wrote a post last week about praying + fasting without telling anybody, as we're called to in Matthew 6. I read her words and had to go to a quiet corner right away, to sit on the floor and question my heart, my motive in the seeking. I know that if I'm fasting and praying from a state of seeking praise and acknowledgement, it will get me nowhere. I will not find God's heart, nor will I be renewed. And I wondered if I should continue writing. If sharing this last piece of the beginning of renewal was actually sinful, if my heart was prideful.

It took a few extra days of searching my own heart, trying to make absolutely sure my motives were pure. Sometimes I'm really good at convincing myself that my heart is pure when actually it's pretty black. Amen?

So I'm moving forward, into discerning His heart one step further.

Most people don't hear audibly from God. And for those of us who do, chances are He's not answering specific questions right when we want Him to. We wait on Him and press in to hear His heart, but sometimes we feel like we're flying blind.

When I began seeking His will as to which area of my life He wants to renew in this immediate season, I figured it was a no-brainer. While fasting, it became clear to me that getting up early is essential for me to love well. During a week of intense prayer about the renewal of my life for His glory, I discovered that not only do I need to start my day early, but I have to actually start a day. I was sure that after a time of searching His heart, my goal would be simply to get up with a plan for my day, whatever that entailed.

Then He showed me more. He shared with me my biggest struggle, and how He wants to free me from it.

I have extremely low self-confidence. Like, LOW. I have a hard time believing that I'm qualified for anything, least of all God's work. 

A lot of my self-confidence issues stem back to my body. I'm not a small girl. I inherited my mother's hips and thighs, and while those helped me through an easy labor + delivery, they're a source of discontentment in my day-to-day. And of course there's the famous baby pooch which hasn't yet flattened itself out.

I want to serve God well with my life, and with my body. I have often shied away from doing something out of my comfort zone because I'm not comfortable in my own skin. THIS is what I'm waking up for in my current season. THIS is how He is choosing to begin renewing me. 

God is more than capable of giving me a brand new body today, but I have a feeling I'm going to have to work for it.

PRAY

for one week, I fasted. of course, fasting has prayer built right in, but I decided to take a second week -- the one just gone by -- really focusing on praying for my life + the direction in which it's headed.

I'm looking to be renewed; not to improve myself but to point to Jesus in all things. I definitely haven't been doing that lately. not in caring for my family and definitely not in caring for myself. while I'm striving to get all the things done, or thinking about what's next on the list, I'm burning out. less and less is actually accomplished each day, fatigue is taking over, and motivation is waning as I try once again to do it all in my own strength.

focusing on prayer was not easy. honestly, I don't know that I did it justice, but I spent a week asking God where wants me: whether or not I should be out working or at home with Rowan in this season, where my thoughts + allegiances should lie, and how I should go about it all while living with others who don't share my priorities.

just as at the end of the fast, when it became clear that my affinity for early rising isn't just a preference but a necessity, praying confirmed that not only do I need to get up in the morning + start my day, but I need to actually start a day. while it's good for me to wake early, spend some time in the Word, and maybe squeeze in a run or a workout, it's even better for me to do these things knowing there's a real day to follow. 

being at home with Rowan, while a huge blessing + so much fun, has been hard on me. I stopped working just as I was hitting my 39th week of pregnancy, and spent two weeks waiting for our baby to make its arrival. just over a year later, the nothing is catching up to me. too many days go by without any real schedule, other than a bit of laundry or a meal plan. in order to thrive -- personally and as a wife + mother -- I need rhythm in my days, a steady beat to live within.

as I look ahead to the next week, my focus is on discerning which areas of my life + heart God would tackle first. which rhythm He would play through my days. 

a week of quiet and as much solitude as I can find at home with my family. a week of seeking + listening. [mostly listening.]

am I missing your tried + true way of discerning God's heart in your life?